Nekkid Resurrection

I’ve decided. I’m committing.

I am not going to buy any clothes or shoes for the next year.

I’m embarrassed to say that this is as big a deal to me a it is — and I confess that before making this proclamation I stocked up on new underwear. I stood in my closet a few minutes ago and realized that I could wear a different pair of shoes every day for a month and still not get all the way through my collection. I could wear a different blazer every day for three weeks, a different t-shirt for nearly two months, a different belt for three weeks, a different sweater or sweatshirt for a month…you get the idea.

I like clothes a lot, though honestly I rarely get very attached to individual items (with the exception of some really cute shoes). That’s been my way of justifying my reckless relationship to apparel for years. About twice a year, I give away trunks full of stuff I am not wearing. Yup…and I still have more than a closet full…a big, walk-in closet at that.

I’m a bargain shopper and nothing gets me quite so excited as digging through a rack in an outlet or surfing my favorite discount websites for a deal. I get obsessive about it. Those great deals are my other justification, but in the end I know it’s insane to have accumulated this much and to keep on buying.

My intent is to keep up with my practice of thinning out the wardrobe and letting go of stuff other folks could get more use out of. The difference is, this year I won’t follow my trip to Goodwill with a trip to my favorite boutique at Cameron Village.

I’m embarrassed to talk about this openly. It amazes me that I can stand up in front of crowds of folks and talk about sex all day, but talking about my relationship to money and stuff is still really difficult. Here’s what I am increasingly convinced of: my relationship to my stuff and my money is inseparable from my relationship with other people. I’m not sure of all the implications of that statement, but I know there’s truth in it.

I’ve got decent access to financial resources, and I like to tell myself that I use what I have got responsibly, but I also know that I turn a blind eye to my own behavior regularly. So, this is the time. I’ve got something to learn in this practice, and I get anxious about hitting the “save” button on this entry…once it’s out there, I’m in. I’m anxious about it, and I don’t know why. It’s not in the least bit rational.

I trust I’ll understand more about the choice as the year goes on.